Give Me Your Forever
by shobhnaguerin01
Summary: The last fleeting moments spent between a married couple before death claims a life. LIT Future Fic.


**Give Me Your Forever**

Author- Shobhna Guerin The characters do not belong to me, they belong to ASP. The song "Forever" is by Ben Harper and all poem quotes towards the end are John Keats. I'm just a girl with a Literati dream.

Spoilers- I don't quite think there are any. Season two, I guess. shrug

Rating- PG-13

Summary- The last fleeting moments between Rory and Jess before death claims what is rightfully its. LIT Future Fic.

Notes- This is my first fic in this fandom, and in true fashion, it's a tearjerker, or I hope so anyway. lol I wrote this at 2 am in the morning and it hasn't been beta'd, so ignore any glitches, would you? Any and all comments are much welcome and appreciated.

_Forever always seems to be around when it begins_

_But forever never seems to be around when it ends…_

He watched her frail form rest itself as comfortably as it could on the hard hospital bed, which didn't offer much relief as much as it did a jabbing pain in the back. She looked pale, paler than he had ever seen her. And he had seen her, all of her; in every situation that ten years of being married could possibly reveal her to him. She had never been this pale. Or this weak.

His hand on the doorknob, he watched through the window and clenched his jaw, willing himself to just open the door. He wasn't sure what was stopping him. He knew that right now it was required of him to go into the room, sit down on that chair, take her hand and just… love her for what could possibly be the last time.

But since when did Jess Mariano ever do what was required of him? For as long as he could remember, his life was about doing exactly opposite of what everyone expected from him. Soon enough, the opposite was the only thing they expected, and accepted, however grudgingly.

Closing his eyes for a second, he opened the door and walked in, closing it behind him as quietly as he could. But she was already up, and he knew that. He watched as she turned her head slowly towards the door to look at him and smiled. He smiled in return and stepped towards the bed. She extended her hand and he took it, marveling at how much thinner it had gotten. How had that slipped his attention?

"Hey you," he whispered, seating himself on the edge of the bed, still holding her hand.

She smiled drowsily, "Hi," she whispered back. Raising his held hand to her mouth, she kissed it slowly, never taking her eyes off of him. "A little hard to believe, but I actually missed you."

He smiled a genuine smile that she knew he reserved for very few people in his life. "I was only gone for fifteen minutes, and you were sleeping," he reminded her, trailing a finger up and down her palm, sending tingles into both their bodies.

"I can sense when you're near or away, remember?" she smiled.

"Ah yes, the wife radar. Someone should've warned me of that before I decided to marry you," he smirked at her.

She let out a giggle. "Where would the fun be then?" She sighed slowly, still smiling, their hands intertwined on the bed between them and she tugged at his arm. Immediately, he drew closer and resting his face against hers, kissed her on the mouth as carefully as he could. But when she leaned forward and deepened the kiss, he returned the gesture willingly, wrapping his other free arm around her neck and kissing her for all its worth. They separated when the need for air become too much but he kept his face near hers, breathing shallowly into the curve of her shoulders.

Running a hand through her limp, lifeless brown hair which had only grown back up to her shoulders, he thought back to the first time he had woken up in the morning with her hair sprawled all over his chest as she rested her head on him, sleeping. That was when he knew that that was how he wanted to wake up every morning.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse walked in. Smiling at them, she picked up the report that was attached to Rory's bed and checked the charts. She looked at them with a look bordering on pity, though neither of them noticed, since they seemed to be having a private moment. After a few minutes, she left, leaving the two of them alone again. But in the span of these few minutes, they had drawn back from each other and were now still, looking at each other meaningfully, no words coming to them to possibly explain what each was feeling. Or was not feeling.

How do you describe a whole life of love, albeit one with tribulations? How do you measure twelve years of together, and ten years of marriage? Of love found and lost, gained and forfeited, surrendered and wrested?

"Jess…" she whispered her husband's name, a desperation in her voice that he had never quite heard before. He brought his fingers to her lips to hush her, and she looked at him for a few seconds as his fingers touched the surface of her dry lips, before she drew his ring finger in with her tongue and kissed and licked it. Bringing her hand up to his, she gripped his wrist hard and never let her eyes drop from his as she kissed his whole hand, licking every surface of his hand, as if memorizing it by touching it the most personal way she knew how to. He didn't retract his hand. He just watched her with hooded eyes, and bent his upper body as his chest surprisingly constricted.

When she was finished, he lowered his hand to rest it just below her stomach. "Rory…"

She shook her head before he could continue. "Jess, it's okay. We knew this day would come."

Blinking back tears that he didn't know he had left, he nodded slowly, almost imperceptibly. She smiled encouragingly. "How's Becka doing?"

"Missing you," he replied simply. Now it was Rory's turn to tear up. Wiping a shed tear hastily away, she said, "I'm going to miss her so much, Jess."

He scooted forward on the bed towards her upper body, which sat upright against the backboard of the bed, her resting her head on the wall behind her, having closed her eyes, still hanging on to his left hand. When he felt he was close enough, he asked her to look at him. She raised her head and opened her eyes and found his face close to hers, as he breathed his musky scent onto her face, a tingling sensation she cherished right then more than she ever had, though she should have every single time. Maybe then she would've remembered it forever and ever.

"Do you remember the day at the bridge? The day after you asked me to marry you?" she asked, closing her eyes as he kissed her on the temple. He nodded, looking silently into her eyes, waiting for her to continue. "We were supposed to be celebrating our engagement privately together before we went and told Luke and Mom." She paused, leaning back into bed and shifted to the side and Jess slid his legs onto the bed and sat beside her. Their hands lay intertwined between them.

She continued, "You were sitting in the middle of the bridge, your legs dangling by the edge and when I reached your side, you asked me if I really loved you."

He nodded, remembering the day well. The one day he wondered to himself, and then aloud, if she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. "God, I was so angry with you. After all the shit we'd been through, we were finally together, and you doubted my love for you."

Jess opened his mouth, but Rory continued before he could reply, "I wanted to just up and leave right then. Just leave you sitting on the bridge, just leave without giving an answer to your question. Right then, I felt like it would be good to walk away from you instead of it always being the other way around."

She sighed. "You knew I loved you, yet you asked me that. Why?" Again, before he had a chance to answer, she said, "Because you were in it for the long haul. You wanted it to be forever. And you wanted to make sure that I did too. Because you didn't want to be with me if it didn't mean we were going to be together forever."

"I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't leave me one day," he quietly said, not turning to look at her, but looking straight ahead at the door and window and beyond it, the people in the hospital jostling about, completely unaware of the two of them inside. He liked that, he wanted that. For just a little while, he wanted it to be just the two of them.

"See! I hadn't even married you yet and you already suspected me of doing Mariano-esque things." She laughed, slowly curling into his side. "Mom still doubted you'd go through with it, you know. Up till two weeks before the wedding, she was ready with ammunition in case you bailed." She paused. "And then one day she came home and looked at me, and for some reason, she no longer doubted you." She turned her head slightly towards him, looking up into his eyes.

He looked down at her before looking away. "Lorelai always thought I was bad for you."

"You were," she giggled. "You were like an addiction that just wouldn't wear off." Resting her head on his shoulder, she asked in an exhausted voice, "What changed my mom's mind, Jess?"

Jess shrugged slightly. "I'm not sure."

"Liar."

"Are you implying something, Gilmore?"

"Mariano," she corrected him in a resigned voice, an indication that she did it often. "Yeah, I am implying. 'Fess up, buddy."

Jess sighed, a smirk playing about his lips. "Nothing. We just… talked."

"Which in 'Jess' means that you threatened her with a shovel and a very believable Jason costume that you promised to use in the middle of the night on her?"

Jess raised an eyebrow at her. She smiled knowingly. "Yeah okay, I took it too far." After a comfortable pause, she asked, "Really, Jess, what did you say?"

He shrugged. "Just that I knew I'd made a lot of mistakes before, but I would never hurt you again because every time I see you in pain, it hurts me a million times more."

She smiled, loving the simplicity of his words. He was never the romantic love quotes-spouting type. He said things as they were, and she loved that about him. She knew that he would never lie to her, not where it really mattered.

"And she believed you?" she teased, knowing how much he must be wishing right then that the subject be dropped.

"Yup."

"I still hold that a shovel plays a part, and a leading one too." She waited for him to come up with a quick retort, but when he didn't say anything for quite a while, she sat up a little and looked at him. "Jess…?" She noticed tears in his eyes, tears that she knew he wouldn't shed, not in front of anyone anyway. She could think of only two instances when she had seen him openly cry.

She reached up and cupped the side of his face. He leaned into her touch, looking at her with a gaze that tore at her with its intensity. "I can't do it, Rory."

"Do what?" she asked him, quietly, running her hand through his hair, remembering the million and one times she'd done the same, though none of those times felt quite like this one, like it could be the last final touch.

"Be… without you." She made a noise in her throat, but he shook his head, not letting her speak. "No, I can't do this. I need you, Becka needs you. We can't do any of this, this… life without you. God, Rory…" he leaned down and captured her lips in his in a crushing kiss, one that sent sparks through her body and made her feel more alive than she had ever felt before. With all the strength she had remaining in her, she returned the kiss, snaking an arm around his waist and drawing him closer. He scooted down and soon, they were lying rather than sitting next to each other on the bed and his right leg came between her thighs, separating them in a maneuver that was so familiar to both of them, and one that they would achingly miss.

When she broke the kiss, he drew her bottom lip into his mouth and bit into it lightly with his teeth. Letting it go, he kissed her once softly before resting his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes.

Rory waited for her hands to stop shaking before she slowly sat up again. He didn't move. She lowered her hand and ran it through his hair, loving its disheveled state. She would miss his hair.

"You're going to be fine," she calmly said, betraying little to no emotion in her voice. "You're going to do great."

He suddenly sat up, startling her. Without looking at her, he swung his legs off the bed and stood up. Putting on his shoes, he walked to the door and then walked back, his pace nervous and edgy.

"No, I'm not," he said, his tone absolutely sure and in control. "I am going to fuck up, like I always fuck up. Only this time, you won't be around to help me solve the problem. You're the only one who can..." He came up to her. "God Rory, I need you."

Rory bit her lip, trying to not cry out to him. Tears started to roll down her cheek, and this time she made no move to wipe them away. "You don't." He looked at her, a look of desperation in his eyes, like that of a wounded child asking for comfort. If only Rory could. "Jess Mariano, you are the strongest person I know after my mother. Yes, sometimes strong becomes obstinate, but you are still that person who will not give up, no matter what." She took his hand and he stepped closer to the bed, his hand gripping hers tightly, holding on for life, literally. "You don't need me. You are going to do just fine. You're going to be such a great dad to Becka that she won't need a mother."

"God, Rory, she's just a baby. She can hardly speak. I can't believe she won't even get to know you."

Rory wrapped her hands around his arm, sitting up and leaning forward. "But she will. You will tell her about me. Promise me something, Jess."

"Anything," he said, looking at her.

"Every day, tell her that I loved her… love her. That she is the most beautiful baby, girl, woman… in the whole world. Tell her to always listen to her grandmother, to never take hair advice from you, and to read. Teach her to read for me."

This time, a tear slipped down Jess' face but he made no move towards it. He held onto his wife's hand and looked at her with a devastation that could not, if tried, be put into words. He was scared, and he was willing to admit it to her, though he wouldn't to anyone else. He was so afraid.

"What if I… what if I fail?" Jess asked, the words burning in his mouth, the bile rising in his throat, the need to hold on to her overwhelming. He couldn't imagine life without her… he didn't even want to try.

"You won't. Contrary to what you believe, you are a wonderful father, and you are going to be the most amazing person in Becka's life. She's going to love you just like I did, if not more."

He didn't reply. He looked at her, then looked away, and then looked at her again. His lips shook as if he wanted to speak, but no words came out. Rory lay back in bed, resting her head on the pillow, her eyes never leaving Jess. Finally, he came towards her and leaning over the bed, bent and kissed her softly. "_I stood upon a shore, a pleasant shore, where a sweet clime breathed from the land, of fragrance, quietness, and trees and flowers, Full of calm joy it was, as I of grief_."

She smiled through tears, running a hand through his hair and touching his cheek, prolonging physical contact for as long as she could. Closing her eyes momentarily, she whispered in reply, "_I threw my shell away upon the sand, and a wave filled it, as my sense was filled, with that new blissful golden melody_."

They kissed, soft and slow and with more depth than ever before.

That was when there was a knock on the door and Lorelai peeped in. "Hey baby," she said to Rory and gave a concerned look to Jess, not sure how he was holding up, because obviously, he wouldn't tell her, her or anyone else.

Jess looked at Rory one last time before standing upright, letting go of her hand. He walked towards the door and with a meaningful look towards Lorelai, walked past her and closed the door behind him. From the window, he watched his mother-in-law approach his wife, tears in both their eyes already; and, unsure of how long he would be able to keep his own tears at bay, he turned away from the window and went in search of Luke and Becka.

_He saw her body fading gaunt and spare_

_In the cold moonshine. Straight he seized her wrist;_

_It melted from his grasp: her hand he kissed_

_And horror! kissed his own- he was alone._

Four hours later, they all stood inside the gray hospital room. Luke, Lorelai, Sookie, Paris, Emily, Richard, Jess, and in Jess' arms Becka. The doctor had given them permission to say goodbye to her one more time, as they didn't think she had much time left. The cancer had taken over, this was it.

Wordlessly, Jess went forward and placed Becka in Rory's still arms. Rory looked down with hooded, bloodshot eyes at her baby, smiled and looked up at her husband, and they shared a look of unbearable pain and complete understanding. Lorelai stepped forward and took her daughter's hand in hers, not even bothering to hide her tears. Luke had his arm protectively around her waist, and the look on his face mirrored those of everyone else in the room.

Lorelai Leigh Mariano looked up one last time at her family, everyone in her life who actually mattered right there in front of her. Holding her daughter Becka's hand one last time, she shifted her eyes to her husband one last time before closing them quietly, silently, perceptibly.

And so she left them. They would struggle for years to learn to live without her, each one realizing how totally she had filled their lives and how impossible it was now to fill that aching emptiness.

But they would try, for her sake. It was what she would have wanted. She loved her family, and she wanted them to be happy.

And for her sake, they would be.

Jess entered the four-room apartment which lay enveloped in darkness. Lorelai had taken Becka with her and Luke and offered Jess to come and stay with them for a couple of days. Jess agreed to let Lorelai take Becka for the night but said that he would go home.

Home. Without Rory, was this even a home anymore?

Numb, he walked through the apartment, realizing how every room felt like her, in a way that he may not have realized before this night.

Walking into their bedroom, he stilled as he looked around the room that they had shared for so many years. They'd made love here countless times, had numerous arguments, sat in bed all night feeding Becka and putting her to sleep, reading until the sun came up, sharing their hopes and fears.

He noticed something that lay on her desk. Walking over, he saw that it was a bundle of envelopes. He picked the one on top. It simply said 'Jess' in that all-too-familiar handwriting that he loved for its loops and curves and beauty. The one below said 'Mom'.

He let the other envelopes be, and opened the one with his name on it. Along with a sheet of paper, fell out a picture. He looked at it. It was one from their trip to Florida with Luke and Lorelai. This picture had Rory and Jess sitting on the beach under an umbrella, reading together. Jess guessed that Lorelai must have taken the picture, he didn't remember having seen it before.

He unfolded the paper and began to read:

_My dearest Jess,_

_We knew six years ago that someday this day would come. But I want you to know that…_

**The End.**


End file.
